Ok so you wanna go to a party or a social gathering and look like you have just fallen out of Sex and the City the Movie. But they never tell you how they manage to walk all the way across Manhatten in tiny 6inch heels. But you think sod it, I am a marvellous sexy twenty something. I only need fabulous shoes and attitude.

Well sadly in addition to their fabulous shoes and attitude they also have taxis/limos. Whereas you are poor and stupidly decide to walk from Somerville to Oriel in 10mins flat wearing the sexiest and therefore the highest shoes you own. You arrive marvellously late, of course. And sporting a pair of the world's largest blisters right on the balls of your feet. And you can't take your shoes off - this is formal hall where the main dude in the big throne chair has a direct view of your feet. A bit off-putting for his main course to see your skanky tootsies all blistered and blown up. So you SUFFER.

And then when you are just mustering up the courage to walk home you have to go and have second pudding and drinks and for this you have to STAND UP. And that main dude is there again and you know bare feet dont go with the lovely dress your friend lent you so you persevere. You really try to pay attention to what people are saying about whatever it is they are blabbering on about without mentioning the fact that you feel something the size of a football has crept into your shoe.

But then you get to leave and the agonies start afresh. You attempt to get a taxi before you realise Oriel to Somerville isn't exactly car friendly. So off the shoes come only to be matched with all the crap that seems to suddenly be on the pavement. I don't know where all those stones come from, I really dont. You finally make back to the safety of squashy areas and use the piggy back express a.k.a your boyfriend for toliet trips. And as a reward for such foolishness you indulgently take the day off work the next day. Well, you can't be expected to be fabulous all the time now can you.

Moral of this story - High heel shoes equal days off work.

So this this time last year was finals. Scary thought thinking that the last year has just seemed to disappear into the ether...
So what have I done:
A. Got a job (that today at least was AWFUL) but on the whole is ok.
B. Lived in a lovely house with lovely people. U know who u are...
C. Directed one marvellous OODLES show ;)
D. Wrote a play (hurrah!)
E. Graduated from university (almost forgot about that one).
F. Managed not to drive my boyfriend or friends away!!
G. Gone to lots of dinners iwth friends (see how i am growing up) and lots of parties too (not so fully grown up..)
H. Seen some more weird and wonderful things.

Also today I got to see a penis be injected. That's not something you see everyday....

So yes, in summary - good year. Lots of other stuff probably happened but i can't remember anything - maybe because I have had a gin already to block out the penis injections...

Write a personal ad for yourself (in which you assume that you are single or otherwise available).

1) It has to make you sound as unappealing as possible
2) It has to be honest - you can't lie at all
3) It can't sound as though you're deliberately making yourself sound unappealing.

Strange and accidentally sexually provocative girl seeking geek boy to be her bumpkin. Boy must be able to cope with moments of excessive madness with dodgy faces and noises included. Extreme drunkness and disaggreements with gravity come extra. Sounds blonde.

Luckily in a million to one chance I have managed to find someone who fills this exact description !!!! XD

There are FOXES IN MY GARDEN! They are so cute.

That is all.

KAY, i dunno how u do links and i dont have my handy beth with me atm to show me. But here is something u all might find interesting. my oh my...

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1ya2s_the-power-of-adobe

enjoy -

btw sorry this looks like my 12yr old cousin wrote it. wiv all the comp speak and all. tbf i am in a duvet, with only one accessible hand, a full arms length from the cumputer. And i cant spell. This is how i revise ok!!!!!!

Why is it that whenever you are stuck inside revising/working etc. it is glorious bloody sunshine all day and tweety birds and fresh smelling air but you cant enjoy it cos u're stuck indoors reading about mucus. Then as soon as you have the chance to go outside and not be a loser hermit they forcast SNOW!!!!! I mean really - someone is having a laugh at my expense. They already made it rain on me the whole time I was in Lyons with Liz. I am taking it up with the management - this has gone on long enough. I just hope he doesnt get offended and decide to make the summer after exams awful as punishment.

Ah - how times change. I dunno whether all this was the act of some sort of ironic force that delights in showing off or something but I was a total idiot.

This is something I wrote...errrrm a few months or so ago in a bit of a depressed/feeling sorry for myself stage....

"I feel like I am incapable of falling in love. I can feel intense things about abstract ideas etc. (see 4!) and I love my friends and family etc but I have never been completely, totally, hopelessly in love with someone. I have never lost control of myself with anyone. I am always in control of a relationship, and of my heart. I have never had a crush. I have never fancied someone more than they fancy me. I think I will never be able to fully give it to someone, because I dont know how."

H aha ha ha ha ha aha ah ahaahahah aha ah ah aha ah ah ah aha ha ahahahaa ha ha. I am such a fool. I officially retract that above statement. Someone shoot me - actually I think someone already has, through the heart.

I was sneaking into Somerville library last night (to look for a book - before anyone gets any cheeky ideas). And I was wandering past all the old books and it was so strange. Hilda;s library is just like some really crap mobile library and theres nothing to it really. No personality. But as I was exploring all the really old books on the top of this wooden balcony bit I got the wonderful tingling sensation I always used to associate with books and beautiful libraries when I was little. That marvellous feeling of being surrounded by so much knowledge and interesting things that could just reach out and touch all these things just by picking up a book. I stayed there for so long just looking at stuff - like I found this really old book by T.H. Huxley (who if anyone knows was pretty big on the whole advocating evolution thing - big fan of Darwin's) And it was like going back in time and being there for it all. It was a while later I felt sad that I didnt get that from my library, then I left.

I have discovered the delights of this musical ^ Who I gladly thank my college sister for showing to me. She is marvellous. I recommend it to anyone who loves OULES songs in general, if you;ve never heard it. Though I'm sure most of you have, since I am generally the rubbishy one who doesnt know anything. Like thinking Monty Python was a person and thinking the Rocky Horror Show was daytime tv. (ok the last one is a lie, but I still havent seen it - so for all I know it could be!!!!)

I have just realised the secret to staying sane when there is far too much stress in your life.
Dirty fanfiction. Obv I knew the wonders of it before, but normally fanfic of all kinds is just a hobby of mine. But being so busy these last few weeks I have not had time for reading anythin. Today was the first time I have had an hour to myself in about 2 weeks. And tbh I've been going slightly insane from all the work and not having any time alone when I wasn;t working. But just one hour of reading blatant naughtiness that is silly and fun, with just me and my imagination and I feel so much more relaxed and human. It wasn;t even the fact it was naughty, just having it there to distract me from my life for a bit was what I needed.

Back to working for the next few days tho, and then...well I may even be so inspired by it all as to write something again. Esp something dirty...

A flibbertigibbet
A will-of-a-wisp
A clown...

Anyway, is anyone following this on the beeb, it has me hooked already. This is what you get from spending the summer attached to the tv. I mean i go out and lab it all day, and then I come back for extreme blobbage eveningwards, so its no wonder I am tv/dvd obsessed. I feel old.

There seems to be something to with sitting in front of the telly in the evenings that makes me fear what I will be like in 10 years. I kno what I'm like now, what will happen when I get tireder and lazier than i already am??

I might try to invent an anti-aging device/time machine to not only prevent these thoughts but to also help hildabeast do her history essays by going back in time to save those scrolls she;s always on about and for me to see some extinct animals.

I'd like to go back in time just for the holiday. It would be cool to ponce about pretending to be Greek, or Roman or even Neanderthal for a bit to get out of this world for a bit. Maybe have a bit of an adventure, but still come back to our time where we have electricity and the internet, and shampoo. Those sort of important things that make it good to be around in this time zone. You know like chocolate and the vote....:D

OMG it finally ENDS! The last few weeks have been total hell. And i completely apologise to anyone I have pissed off with my grumpleness. I was rather stressy lately.

But they are over! Thank God! The first paper, Evolution and Systematics was total arse. They asked completely scary questions which I could only answer well on for two of the four. But i managed to wank my way through the others enough to hopefully have scraped through it. The one yesterday was no better, I thought Environment would at least be blagable but there is a serious limit on how much someone can blag about stuff they dont have a single clue about. I just hope I got a 2:1 - next year is goin to be such a trial if i don't. Cos this is 20% of my final finals which equals extreme workage next year if they were totally fucked up.

But still, I will worry nearer the time, espeically since I wont even find out my mark since they'll just tell me what "quartile of the year" I am in. Grrr.

Yesterday was SOOOOO much fun though. Had a fabulous welcome outside exams schools from all the non-biologists, who were dressed as animals with loin cloths and green hair. Not sure how that makes them animals but still. And we were all green haired and glittered too, which was great. Ended up in hilda's for foodage cos I still had £30 of meal money on their that the bloody kitchens are gonna have now. *rages* and drank lots of free booze from the bar.

We ended up having lots of antics like piggy back rides and trolley rides as well as punting. That was by far the most hilarious part of the day. Trying to get 7 people into a punt designed for five and trying to punt that punt down the river while slightly inebriated is not the best plan in the world. Although it was the funniest!

Ended up nearly falling in, getting on the bank, sliding down the bank, dropping the pole far too many times, abandoning Steve and Ferny, not to mention dropping Fred's sunglasses into the river cos some branch hit me over the head and they fell in. We even went for a little swim in the Cherwell, but only in my tights and tops since beth didnt want her skirt to get dirty. Ended up walking rouind college in just a bra and tights with Slittle's jacket on top. Was so hilarious when all these 60year old conference people came past looking totally shocked. He he he.

Was such a great day! The evening wasn't bad either, what with continuing the drnking binge so it totalled 15 hours by the end of it all and going to the Bridge for some serious dancing. I later got laughed at by the police on the way home cos of trying to go to sleep on the pavement. Oh dear. But in all it was fabulous and I can't beleive it is all over.

What will I do with my life now I am no longer living in the library?

Hmm, the weather is shiney, I am apathetic (ish!) towards exams, but i want to go home. I miss my mom. I want her to give me a cuddle and let me curl up on the sofa with her and watch chick flicks a.k.a pride and prejudice all evening. I can't believe i wont be home for sooooo long this summer. I miss it, our sofas are so comfy. :D

Tbh Oxford is pissing the shit out of me, what with exam fun and project fun - hence me feeling like this. I just want to go home cos i know I dont have any responsibility there. I need some down time after these last few weeks. I just hope i get some before the damned project start, otherwise i'm not going to be relaxed enough before next year. (Altho gran canaria should be my consolation). And i will be Miss Highly-Strung, which wouldn't be pleasant for ANYONE!

I will phone mom instead and wibble to her a bit, and she can wibble back and our dual wibble and cure will be complete :D

xxx

I want it all to go away. I am beginning to panic ever so slightly. It doesn't help that I don't feel like i no anything. There's just so much stuff to learn and not enough time. I know i feasibly couldn;t have done anymore or started any earlier but i just wish i didn;t have to do them so soon! No scratch that, i don;t want to do them at all. I'm doing ok in general why do they have to examine me on it!!! Oh God, I'm getting those panicky stomach churn moments going on. You kno, when your whole stomach turns over and ur left with ice cold dread festering within you.

*breathe breathe*

*Think of calming gardens with fountains and flowers....*

*breathe*

I learnt something fabulous today (more exciting than mammal conservation strategies) that there are several marvellous ways of eating Malteasers when you are bored and on a revision break.

You can eat it in little chunks.

You can pick them up with only your mouth and eat away.

You can nibble all the chocolate off and then just eat the honeycomb bit.

You can put it all in your mouth and suck the chocolate off and let the honeycomb melt in you mouth too (broken down by all the amazing amylase).

You can even drop it in your tea (it floats!) and suck it up with your mouth and eat it all melty.

Just make sure you dont do this when somebody important walks past...probably wont look too good. well...

Anyway, i;ve had a very productive day...as you can tell :D

Also i have challenged (ljuser=<"henhen">) to a danger wank in exams. He doesn;t want to do it, cos he;s scared the invigilators will notice (since they have to go to the loo with you and everythin) but i dont think that should stop him doin it at his desk if he really wanted to win!

Anyway back to Avricola terrestris (Water Voles ;) )

XXxXx

Hahahahahaha! My stupid pissing tutor has gone and given me a collection for Michaelmas term on wait for it....Quantitative Methods, the most sucky subject ever, yes ladies and gentleman its STATISTICS. I can't DO maths and she wants me to somehow care about this now while i am stressing about Part 1 finals, i think not. Grrrr, so over summer i will have my project to do and have delicious stats to look forward to at the end of it all! At least i'm going on holiday. Thank god for the canary islands.

Oh yeah and i also managed to lose my coat last night too, Go me! The Queen of Forgetfulness (and Squids of course, dont forget the squids :P).

Things always happen at the same time...it is one of those mysteries that we may never understand, like why socks dont like to stay in their proper associated pairs or why I prefer (ljuser=<"hildabeast">)'s bed to my own.

Here is a small list of what has gone wrong in the last 24 hours:

1. I had to get up this morning.
2. I dreamt about conservation issues (including having the model formulae for island biogeography S=CAZ flying thru my head).
3. I left my folder in zoology library, and had to walk back from near Wadham to go get it.
4. I left my folder in Wadham chapel, had to get up even earlier than usual to go get it, it wasn't there.
5. Worried i was going to have to tell my friend i had lost ALL her notes from this year.
6. I twisted my ankle by falling down the Zoology stairs.
7. My MP3 player was being wanky.
8. It rained yesterday.
9. It was very cold this morning and I was only wearing a t-shirt, so i shivered.

Things that went ok:

1. I met a porter from Wadham with a pipe, who was very nice.
2. I ate some vegetables last night.

Oh god, look what revision does to my life, I overly list things and I have a very mundane exisitance. I may go weep into my tea at the unfairness of it all. :D

I am so unimpressed with the weather. It would rain when i am wearing white, have no bike, will be walking in it at some point soon. I am glaring at the sky trying to make it leave.

I don;t think it likes me much for doing this because it is raining harder now. Grrrrrr.

I think it just wants the whole of Oxford to see my pants as i'm walking to OULES later. Why would you do this stupid sky? what did i ever do to you? (except, of course, brandish my fists at you in rage at ur shitty weatheryness).

I am very sorry, sky, please forgive me and be sunny...i'll be nice.

Ok it's like eye spy except with, where is Nat?

I'll give you a clue it starts with the letter L...

Not Loo..no, keep guessing

No it's not Laundrette either, do i ever wash my clothes??!!

Of course its not that either, I'm not even going to repeat that on here! You disgusting pervert...

NO i am as ever in the library, fools!

Happy days tho, had a cheesy bagel for lunch (tasty) and have achieved marvellous amounts of procrastination. I found that i managed to not wash my elbow in the shower this morning, HOW is that possible is what i want to kno? Surely it is in the direct path of the water spray? How can you wash your hair in fact without getting your elbow under the shower nozel.

I also spent 25 minutes contemplating why sex evolved to be pleasurable in people. I mean there is no advantage for it surely. I mean its so distracting, one could be eaten by some large animal while trying to orgasm and you would be dead. There would be no reproductive advantage for it either because u'd still have sex even if it was shit, cos all other animals do. We could have a mating season and all men could line up and try to get the females attention by waving their penises around and the such like.

Hmmmmm interesting thought.

Oh God, why has my brain decided to desert me in my *i would say hour but that would not be true* weeks of need. Because I don;t deserve to have it that's why!

I have been trying so very hard to concentrate and not sit in the sunshine reading books but to stay in the library and work. I managed the beginning of this week really well! I did loads and felt very productive, only at the end of this week to have one of those panicky moments where you go "SHIT!! I dont know anything!!!" So yeah, i'm there right now, I hope this will go away cos i'm really behind and i need to concentrate.

On another note, (only demonstrating my inability to work productively) I went to see X men 3 last night. OH. MY. GOD. what a pile of SHITE!!! I was a big X MEN fan when i was younger and they totally runied it. I wont say how in case some people want to see it, but DUDE they raped it...I want to cry. It has, however, started me imagining things again. I can only begin to tell you how bad this is.

Not in the "omg she's crazy" but because I will start to get distracted by marvellous story ideas and not want to work even more...:'(

There was something else too but i dont remember what it was now..later i will prehaps...

Anyway, Grrgrrgrgrgrgrgrrrr at Hollywood and Oxford!!!